Mantonese

Do you have any idea what ‘Mantonese’ is? If you don’t, do you know what is Manglish? For Malaysians, Manglish stands for combination of mandarin and English. So, in this case, ‘Mantonese’ means MANdarin plus CanTONESE.

Since nY lives in Kuala Lumpur, my main medium of communication is Cantonese besides English. In KL, most of the Chinese citizens communicate with each other using Cantonese other than English. No matter in eateries, shopping arcades, markets, Magnum 4D or in cybercafé, people speak to each other in Cantonese. So, if you wanna survive in KL, you MUST know a bit of Cantonese. I’m Cantonese and that's why nY loves KL so much!

nY has MANY I-Don’t-Know-Cantonese Pang Yau Jai 朋友仔in campus and former company. If you have the chance to listen how they speak Cantonese, nY guarantee you will laugh until your stomach explode.

nY had few unforgettable encounters with those cute I-Don’t-Know-Cantonese Pang Yau.

Incident 1: KAI JI BONG

Mei and course mates had a stall selling all kinds of yummy food for their Cyberpreneurship assignment last week. The ‘chef’ is a very talented guy who excels in his studies, programming and cooking skills. The only bad thing about him is his poor speaking in Cantonese. He faced a critical situation when a student ordered chicken wing rice from him during the food feast.

Below is the conversation between him and the customer:-

Student: (In Cantonese) Eh, ngo yew yat bau kai yek fan. (Hey, I want a packet of chicken wing rice)

Chef: (In Mandarin) Huh? Ni jiang she me ? She me kai yek ?

Student: Oh, I want chicken wing rice.

Chef: (Try to speak in Cantonese) Ohhh, lei yew KAI JI BONG fan!

Student: *Fainted*

Wuahahaha… What the hell is KAI JI BONG? It sounds like some vulgar words. According to him, chicken wing is called Ji Chi Pang鸡翅膀 in Mandarin and he did direct translation from Mandarin to Cantonese. So Ji Chi Pang becomes KAI JI BONG!

Incident 2: NGO MOU NAI

Mei’s friends are non-Cantonese. Thus they always consult Mei as she is a Cantonese.

One day, her friend was very upset due to some reasons. Then he asked Mei what we call 无奈 in Cantonese. Guess what my cute little sister said? WO MOU NAI! (I don’t have milk!) Once nY heard what she said, nY straight away fall on the floor laughing unstoppably.

Incident 3: BAK UK / Biek Fu

Gary Gan is my ex-colleague in Avago Technologies. We are best buddies and always fool around together. This guy is ‘Kaki Buaya’! Always verbally ‘harass’ his girl friends but unfortunately he is not good in Cantonese. He will stutter whenever he talks to his Cantonese girl friend. Owing to this, he requested that nY and other colleagues to speak Cantonese with him.

nY always fool him with the Cantonese words. He always does direct translation from mandarin to Cantonese for words such as:-

Lizard 壁虎 -> Biek Fu (yim shea)

Bird 小鸟 -> Siu Niu (jeuk jai)

Ant 蚂蚁 -> Ma Yi (ngaii)

Ear 耳朵 -> Yi Duo ( yi jai)

He told us that he saw ‘Bak Uk’ (white house) when he rode the cable car above the sea during his visit to Langkawi. All the colleagues felt weird and amazed, wondered how the white houses are located above the sea. After communicating with him in Mandarin, we only realized the white house that he meant was white fog 白雾. *Rolled eyes*

Incident 4: YAM MOU

One of nY’s non-Cantonese friend tried to speak Cantonese with me. Once when nY offered to treat him lunch, he opened his eyes big and said “Lei dui ngo gam HAU, lei yau mat yeh YAM MOU (pubic hair)?” (Should be YAM MAU 阴谋)

Then my reaction was :O and answered him back “ Hai, ngo yau YAM MOU, lei mou meh?” LOL

Incident 5: CHAO SI HANG

This is the real life joke told by Edrick. His friend, XX was just back from Singapore for vacation. She met Edrick and gang for supper. So the gang was hungry and they requested her to order a plate of fried ‘Si Ham’(kerang). Then her response was, “ Ha, you all want to eat Chao Si Hang(toilet)? The gang was stunted and asked her to remain seated to avoid ‘accident’. Imagine the response of the hawker auntie when XX tells, " Auntie, bei ngo YAT DIP CHAO SI HANG!"

There are a lot more funny jokes from these I-don’t-Know –Cantonese friends. For this moment, nY only able to remember these few incidents nia.

Aih… Kawan sekalian. If you are thinking to survive in KL, make sure you master your Cantonese. Or else will ending up with the person that listen to what you say laughing and rolling on the floor.

Tip to master Cantonese : Watch more HK drama & movie. Mimic their mouth movement and follow the pronounciation.:D